Naked Axe
by StarscreamComic
Summary: In a post-apocalyptic Minecraft, a n00b, an atheist, and a dork accidentaly find a hidden village guarded by a cobblestone fortress. But their stay quickly leads the three on an adventure to prevent a weapon that will destroy the server, hidden in the only place that could possibly destroy that village, inside of it... WARNING: May Be Inaccurate
1. The N00b, the Atheist, and the Dork

**MINECRAFT: **Naked Axe

**Chapter 1: **The N00b, the Atheist, and the Dork

_Sit down children and let me tell you one of my favorite tales._

_I may be an old grandfather to you, but this story is tells of a time before my grandpa was born._

_What is this story called? I call it, _The Three Warriors of the Cobblestone Castle.

_About 12 generations ago, our great planet of Minecraft was collapsing._

_8 out of 10 servers were consumed in chaos, but one village lived on in the chaos._

_That village then was surrounded by a massive fortress made out of cobblestone._

_This is the story of the Three Warriors who saved that village from a supernatural threat…_

* * *

In the deep desert wastelands of a chaotic server, a young adventurer continued on his journey to find civilization. His green shirt was wrinkled and covered in stains, his brown shoes were full of sand, the wind made his red-striped black pants flap like crazy, sweat dripped from his brown hair bangs and onto his white skinned forehead, his black glasses kept sand from going into his blue eyes. This young adventurer was known as Mel, but he was just an average n00b.

"I've been walking for five days and no sign of civilization," whined Mel, "Heck; I haven't even seen a monster."

Mel then stopped, he heard digging. Then he saw a head pop out of the ground. It was a brown haired adventurer wearing a light-blue visor. He climbed out of the ground, showing his white shirt, black jacket, blue jeans, and black boots.

"Ha! I told you it was morning," he said to the hole.

Another guy climbed out of the hole. He had blonde hair, a red shirt, leather armor, purple shorts, and grey shoes. "Excuse me for trying to play it safe."

"Oh thank God," said Mel, "There are people out here."

"Why are you thanking someone who doesn't exist?" asked Black Jacket.

"Excuse my friend," said Leather Armor, "He's an atheist."

"I don't care," replied Mel, "I'm just glad I found some life out here, well, besides pigs. By the way, I'm Mel."

"I'm Joe," said Leather Armor, "And the guy in the black jacket is my friend, Maximus. Call him Max for short. He'll punch your lights out if you don't."

"So Joe and Max, what brings you out to this wasteland?" asked Mel.

"Max and I we're looking for a new server to try to find some gold," answered Joe.

"Well you're not going to find anything for a long while," replied Mel.

"What makes you say that?"

"Because, I just left a server, which was destroyed by a gang of pig riding Griefers. I've been walking for 5 days and haven't seen anything but sand and pigs."

"Well, the server Max and I came from is full of gangs. There's a huge mountain rang, but we can't get past the gangs."

"Why don't you go there at night?"

"Our server is swamped with monsters at night. We couldn't get pass them even if we tried. And if we try, we'd probably get killed."

"Wait, does anyone in those gangs ride pigs?'

"The majority of them."

"Do you have a bow?'

"Max has one, and like, 35 arrows."

"How long will it take to get back to your server?"

"If we take our tunnel, about a day."

Mel pulled out his stone sword, "All right, that's perfect. Time to begin what I call… Operation: PigKnight Rider."

* * *

Mel, Max, and Joe stuck their heads out of the hole. The sun was setting, and the gangs went into their bases (which were either dirt huts or foxholes). Max spotted 3 gang members, each one on a pig. Max pulled back and fired, the arrows killed them instantly.

First, Joe hopped on a pig, charging to the mountain range, killing the monsters on the left with his wooden hoe. Then Mel jumped on a pig, following behind Joe, killing the monsters on the right with his stone sword. Finally, Max jumped onto the last pig, trailing behind the others, killing any surviving monsters with his bow. In a matter of 10 minutes, they had reached the mountain range.

* * *

A week had passed, Max was constantly digging, but all they found was cobblestone, iron ore, and charcoal. Mel made himself an iron sword, Joe made an iron ax, while Max made torches. It was a while since anyone talked, until Max said, "Guys, I think we found a tunnel."

The trio walked along the torch light tunnel, until they found a colossal castle made out of cobblestone.

"INTRUDERS!" someone shouted.

Suddenly, a herd of diamond-armored archers charged out and pointed their arrows at the trio's heads. A drawbridge lowered, and dozens of more diamond-armored soldiers, equipped with diamond swords burst out, forming a line along the castle's entrance.

"I wonder what this is all about," whispered Mel.

"Maybe one of us did something bad to them in a past life," replied Max, "And by us, I mean Joe."

Before Joe could reply, a series of trumpets wailed, and 3 people walked out of the castle's entrance. In the middle was a young, teenage girl wearing a red tank-top, red jeans, and wore red gloves. On the right was a very tall robot that wore a green shirt and a purple robe. On the left was a young warrior with blonde hair that shot up like fire with bangs shaped like a spike, wearing a red shirt and a black robe, carrying a diamond sword molded into a katana shape.

"Do not worry, the travelers are not here to do any harm," said the girl, the soldiers lowered their weapons, "I am Princess Trina. The robot is my head advisor, Wizard, and that guy with the katana is my elite warrior, Toran."

"I'm Mel."

"I'm Joe."

"I'm Max."

"Would you like to stay here for a few days?" asked Trina.

The guys looked at each other, and nodded in agreement, "Sure, why not?"

"Great! Wizard, can you please prepare them a place to sleep?"

"Of course," Wizard bowed, and lead them into the castle.


	2. Never Dig Straight Down

**MINECRAFT:** Naked Axe

**Chapter 2: **Never Dig Straight Down

_You want to hear more?_

_Seriously? That's a first._

_Well, okay. Settle down children and let Grandpa tell you the story…_

* * *

The long-nosed villager stared down at the captive. It was a young female adventurer, wearing a full leather amour outfit. Her arms and legs were tied to a wooden plank chair with string. An egg was stuffed into her mouth, she tried to spit it out, but the wool cleave gag blocked it out. The villager then tied a wool blindfold over her eyes.

"This blindfold will help you relax," whispered the villager into the captive's ear, "You won't be able to see your death coming. The villager stepped out of the wooden cell, "Remember, never dig straight down."

He threw in a fire charge, setting the whole cell on fire. The captive had learned her lesson, but a little too late…

* * *

"Aw yeah, these beds rock!" said Max, bouncing on the bed.

"You're right," said Mel, "These beds are so…" Mel fell asleep.

"You know, I can't keep from thinking that we're allowed to stay here for a reason," wondered Joe.

"So you mean, what's the catch?" asked Max.

"Exactly."

Max toppled off the bed, barfing all over the red wool floor. "Oh no, this isn't good," said Joe.

Mel looked over, "Uh is he okay?"

"He's fine, but he gets sick if there's a Netherportal nearby."

"Aren't monsters from Netherportals the reason we had the apocalypse in the first place?"

"Yeah, and it must be a really powerful portal, if Max is this sick."

* * *

"How much longer until the Nether Bomb is complete?' asked a white robed villager.

"2, maybe 3 weeks," replied another.

"If you do not speed up, I will start killing your men.'

"Then it will take more time. Remember, a bomb is a very tough weapon to create. Adding the Netherportal is tougher."

The white-robed villager glared at the worker, "Three weeks," he said, "Then your men start dying."


	3. Chapter 3: Charging of the Gates

**MINECRAFT: **Naked Axe

**Chapter 3: **Charging of the Gates

_Okay, okay, don't get scared._

_Just because a girl died, doesn't mean it's the end of the world._

_Now calm down._

_I said CALM DOWN!_

_That's better. Now, do you want Grandpa to finish the story or not?_

_That's what I thought…_

"Come on Max," whined Joe, "Moooooove! Be productive!"

Max just lifted his face off the red wool carpet and stared at his friend, "I don't even know what being productive is," And plopped his face back onto the carpet. Then, the two amigos…

_What did you ask Timmy? What's an amigo?_

_Yes James, amigo is Spanish for friend._

_Yes James, you're very smart, now shut up._

Then the two amigos heard the sound of people steeping on the pressure plate, the iron door opening up. Mel, Trina, Toran, and Wizard came in carrying chests.

"What's this all about?" asked Joe.

"Well, it seems someone, who shall remain nameless, seemed to have ordered a ton of furniture," replied Mel sarcastically.

"Thanks for not naming any name," said Max, words muffled with his face still in the red wool carpet of the cobblestone room.

"It was you wasn't it," glared Joe. Max gave a thumbs-up.

"How much is it going to cost?" asked Mel.

"A stack of gold ingots," growled Toran.

Mel took his turn to glare at Max, "Do you accept iron ingots?"

Toran face palmed. Trina then smiled at Mel, "We can work something out."

Wizard stepped forward, "But next time, please use our currency. Use gold nuggets, gold ingots, or emeralds."

The trio nodded. "Can I keep the chests?" asked Max.

Everyone turned to face Max, "NO!"

Suddenly, dozens of note blocks were beating down. "What's that?" asked Mel.

"It's the siren," whispered Trina, "We're under attack."

Trina walked across the cobblestone tower, spotting dozens of pig riding Griefers charging straight at them.

"What are your orders ma'am?" asked one soldier.

Trina raised her hand "Archers, ready!" The dozens of Archers raised their bows, anticipating the moment when they receive their command.

"FIRE!" Hundreds of arrows were fired into the air, most of them landed in the soft dirt ground. One Griefer threw a block of TNT and destroyed the wooden plank drawbridge. Dozens of Griefers charged through the castle. But, they were quickly overwhelmed by hundreds of armored soldiers.

"Force them into a retreat!" barked Toran, "Wizard, where's the princess?"

"She's hiding in the Nether portal room," shouted Wizard, throwing Potions of Weakness.

Toran looked ahead, he could see a black square with a purple void.

"Oh god! Wizard! The Griefers built their own Nether Portal! They're going after the princess!" screamed Toran.

"Don't lose hope yet," replied Joe, "Max is still inside the building."

"What is he going to do?" shouted Mel, "He's still sick remember?'

Princess Trina paced back in forth in front of the Nether Portal.

"Toran hasn't won yet? What's taking him so long?" she whined. Unknown to her, a pair of hands grabbed her waits, and another hand went over her mouth.

"Wfff gwing on?" she grumbled through the hand. The pair of hands then dragged her through the portal.

Toran ran into the Nether Portal Room, followed by Wizard, Mel, and Joe. "Oh god," whispered Toran, "She's gone."

Deep below the fortress, a brown-robed villager came to Lord Priest, a white robed villager in charge of the Nether Bomb. "The Princess was taken by Griefers today, I heard they pulled her through a Nether Portal."

Lord Priest frowned, "We can't have Griefers jumping through our Nether Portal, especially since we're almost finished. I hate to do this, but shut down operation for today in the mine."

The brown robed villager bowed, then left.


End file.
